Historically,
Baker (population 735 in 2010) was known as the “Gateway to Death Valley” and
“Home of the World’s Tallest Thermometer,” which was built because the small
glass thermometers that were purchased at the local hardware store kept
breaking in the summer’s heat. Summer temperatures can reach 134 degrees
Fahrenheit, or 56.7 degrees Celsius, which is even hotter than Las Vegas!
(Well, maybe it depends on how you define “hotter.”) According to published
literature, the World’s Tallest Thermometer was built in 1991 and contains
about 5,000 light bulb, which reportedly costs about $8,000 per month to
operate.
World's Tallest Thomometor
World's Tallest Thermometer
However;
in spite of the World’s Tallest Thermometer as a major tourist attraction, over
the years the population of Baker steadily declined as Interstate 15 bypassed
the town and two of the three motels closed. (Kind of reminds one of Radiator
Springs in the movie Cars.) Then, the
Food Network show Diners, Drive-Ins and
Dives showed up and featured Baker’s own Mad Greek’s Diner in one of their episodes.
Mad Greek Diner
Suddenly! Traffic in Baker increased! People started arriving from all parts of the
State, Country, World, Galaxies, and Universe! New businesses opened! One new
business was formed by an enterprising group from Alpha Centauri that constructed
a building and started selling “Alien Fresh Jerky.” (They copied Wall Drug’s
advertising philosophy by plastering advertising signs in great frequency along
the Interstate between Las Vegas and Las Angeles.) Business boomed! In fact, the
business has been so successful that they now want to build a spaceport in
Baker to attract more travelers from throughout the Universe. Along with the spaceport,
they have plans for a three-story, disc-shaped UFO hotel to accommodate all of
the visitors that will be coming to Baker. This is great, except for one thing
– the owners of Alien Fresh Jerky claim that the famous World’s Tallest
Thermometer interferes with their proposed spaceport, so they want to tear it
down. The town residents have mixed feelings – they like the idea of more jobs,
but they don’t like the idea of losing their Thermometer. This looks like it may be a showdown between
the cowboys and aliens!
Alien Fresh Jerky Store
In
addition to jerky, Alien Fresh Jerky also does a booming business selling
T-shirts, souvenirs, and books. I’m told that the most popular book sale is The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
That probably explains why there were so many hitchhikers hanging around the
town.
The
day we visited Baker there was a young couple getting ready to take their
marriage vows in the Alien Fresh Jerky store. When I asked them why they
decided to get married in Baker, they responded that they had seen an
advertisement that Baker was going to be the next marriage and honeymoon
capital of the Universe because of the romantic surroundings and toasty
summers. Apparently, the advertisement said that that when the spaceport is
completed, Baker may surpass Las Vegas for the number of marriages performed
each day (about 450).
Marriage Couple at Alien Fresh Jerky Store
As
we were standing outside of the Alien Fresh Jerky store, wedding guests started
arriving from all over the Universe. Some of Flat Staley’s relatives from
Proxima Centauri (Third Star to the Left of Alpha Centauri.) had arrived in
their Reactionless Drive Saucer and were greeting guest at the door, while some
of the more distant guests had arrived the day before and had been up all night
celebrating. By the time we arrived they were hanging from the building’s roof
and nearby signposts. Fortunately, someone had called the Interplanetary
Galactic Federation about the potential disturbance and the Federation had send
the Galaxy Peace Patrol to keep peace and order in town until after the wedding.
Thanks to the presence of the Peace Patrol, thing went well at the wedding and
afterwards we were all invited to a reception at Absolute Black. Unfortunately,
the anti-gravity thrusters on our Xterra were out of plutonium, so we had to
decline the offer.
Flat Stanly Relatives
Distant Guest on Rooftop
Distant Guest on Signpost
However,
of special interest to car buffs was the 2017 Night Ranger vehicle that the
Peace Patrol was driving. This is one of the first Patrol Vehicles manufactured
with both slugthrowers and a photoplasma blaster that fires tachyons. While
taking pictures of the Patrol Vehicle, I felt a tug on my shirt sleeve and when
I looked down I saw a little green alien with big eyes looking up at me. With a
puzzled look on his face he asked: “Can you give me directions to Zzyzx?”
“Zzyzx!”
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